Sarah D. Shearer

If you know me, are friends with me, or happened to check me out at Publix earlier, you know I’m getting married.

I got engaged a few weeks ago to my amazing and wonderful Lucas and I’m over the moon to marry him in just a few months.

You may think I talk about him a lot, but trust me, I do try to refrain from overdoing it. It’s just incredibly difficult when he’s doing amazing things and blowing me away with his love every day at all times in countless ways.

We really enjoy one another’s company and whenever I’m not with him, I miss him. He helps bring balance to my energetic personality and his peace of mind and innate sense of leadership are just a few reasons I think he’s spectacular. He’s a great cook, he spoils me, makes me guffaw, and is my best friend and favorite person to go grocery shopping with.

So often, though, when I’m telling people some great anecdote of something Lucas recently did or some quality about him I admire, I get this kind of response.

“Enjoy it while it lasts!”

“Just wait til after the wedding.”

“After the honeymoon is over, that will change.”

“Yeah, don’t get used to that.”

I’m sorry, what??

Are you telling me a natural progression for marriage and relationships is that it will only get WORSE? Are you saying I should lower my expectations now so I don’t get used to having a wonderful and selfless and enjoyable spouse?

That seems off.

But it happens so often, I want to address it.

Lucas and I reject this mentality. We wholeheartedly embrace all our relationship has to offer, and we delight in serving and loving one another. He has no plans to suddenly cease in his pursuit of my heart after we get married, and I have no plans to turn into a nagging ball and chain.

It is truly sad that the prevalent position of so many married people is that of lowered expectations and the assumption that things will get worse the longer you are together.

I’m not saying we won’t have our days or weeks or months. I’m not saying I expect star treatment from here to eternity. We are humans. I am saying that I am marrying a good and kind man and I don’t expect that to change after we get married.

I’m saying I want my children to see and experience the man I know now, and so I will affirm him as long as I live, rather than curse and defile him with my words.

How can we ever expect to have good marriages if we are constantly cursing our beloved?

I don’t understand it. Love the person you are with, and please don’t project your disappointments and and unmet expectations onto people who are in love. We don’t have to turn out like so many do.

Let us return to the ones we love and speak life over them. If I constantly heard Lucas making sarcastic jokes about how great I was *before *we wed, I imagine I would start to feel pretty bitter over time.

I love to joke, but people, please, I beg you. This is not something to joke about.

Love your person. Enjoy them. Laugh with them. Speak well of them.

Someone, please tell me your marriage has improved over time and that you love your spouse more today than you did when you married them.

Enough with the fatalistic jargon.

I will enjoy it, and it will last, because we are committed for life and God brought me this gift and I’m going to spend my life thanking Him.