Sarah D. Shearer

I have a firm belief there exists a silent group of women. They are fierce and bold, but you rarely hear from them. Too often, they are drowned out by the voices of other women who will not be silenced.

The group of women to which I refer is the group who is not angry at men.

I read an article the other day by a woman who is very bitter, and don’t take my word for it, she uses the word to describe herself. She, like me, grew up in the south, and has a lot to say about it. Her piece, entitled, ” Smile, Damn it” tells the story of her in the grocery store, finding herself at the hands of a man who tells her to smile when he sees she is not feeling like Tour Guide Barbie. She felt the man was being patronizing and that he never would have said that if she were a man. She said it painted a picture of a greater societal problem, a society where women are to be constant sources of cheer and most emphatically (and especially on Sunday mornings) they are to be seen and not heard.

Now, this lady is clearly working through a lifetime of pain, and I am not here to invalidate her. However, neither am I here to validate her.

I do not see men the way she does, and quite honestly, I don’t think a majority of men view women the way we say they do.

I am speaking for the group of women too busy living their lives to stop and consider the ramifications of every encounter with the opposite sex.

I am speaking for the women who have fathers who loved them and treated them well, and the women whose boyfriends, brothers and husbands treat them with gentleness, care, and deference as the weaker sex.

I am speaking for women who don’t mind having a door opened for them, a chair pulled out for them, or a tire changed for them.

I am speaking for women who are okay with serving others, with being admired for their beauty without feeling objectified by the slightest compliment.

I am speaking for the women who don’t mind being called ” Sweetheart” by a nice older gentleman.

I am speaking for the women who aren’t bitter, but rather the ones who actually are smiling, and not because someone told them to.

You see, I am not looking for men to validate me. I get that from somewhere else.

I do not need a political platform to have a voice.

I recognize there are other ways to speak than pointing fingers at the iniquities of an entire gender.

I do not think the world would be better if men only treated me the way I deserve.

Some may say I am small-minded. Maybe I am. (Would you say that if I were a man?)

Some may say I have never experienced the deep pain others have. That is true, but only to an extent. I work very very very hard to walk in forgiveness for the mistreatment I have incurred. I was bullied for three years in high school by boys, but I choose not to relive that every day of my life. Rather than adopting a worldview which makes me the victim, I, and so many other women I know, are trying to walk in forgiveness.

I know women who have forgiven those who sexually abused them are now walking in freedom and new relationship.

I know women who have forgiven men who physically abused them and they don’t post angry rants about men, they are too busy walking out true and lasting forgiveness.

I know women whose husbands sexually abused their own children, and even these women are walking out the messy and broken path of forgiveness.

The way of Jesus is the total opposite of the way of the world.

Do you want to be vindicated? Be broken.

Do you want to be elevated? Be humble.

Do you want to be heard? Serve quietly.

Do you want to be made right? Repent.

My deepest and truest admiration is for the women who you will probably never hear from. They don’t waste time with foolish arguments. They aren’t standing up for the right to pursue self at any cost. They aren’t consumed with telling men where they go wrong on a daily basis.

I heard a story once of someone who constantly judged their neighbor’s laundry for appearing dirty on the line, then they realized it was their own window that needed washing.

Are there some real scum bag dudes out there? You bet. But I don’t waste my words talking about them. Instead, I’m thinking of my boyfriend and my friend’s husband who at this very moment are fixing my car in the dark, at almost nine pm on a Monday night. I’m thinking of that woman in the grocery store and I’m smiling. I am so grateful for the men in my life and I’m committed to be a better voice for them.

Good men are fighting a hard battle right now, but we need you. We appreciate you. We are a group of women who is not as small as you think, and we are not angry at you.