Sarah D. Shearer

It seems like mothers often fall into two categories. And until your baby actually arrives earthside, you have no way of knowing which mother you’ll be.

Some mothers take one look at their newborn baby and instantly feel this rush of maternal instinct wash over them. Motherhood seemingly comes naturally to them. Breastfeeding, crying spells, it’s all part of the adventure for this mom. The thought of ten more babies invigorates her. You see her out and about and she looks as though she’s killing it. Hair and makeup done, baby weight lost, genuinely enjoying her children.

And then there are the mothers who love their babies fiercely but have no idea how easily it comes to other women. Their journey has been full of twists and turns and nothing has come easily and they desperately wanted to be the carefree mom, but it feels as though survival is paramount, and thriving is optional.

Women are constantly comparing themselves. She makes it look easy. Why is she still struggling so much? She must never have any problems. Her husband helps more than mine does. Just because you have a newborn doesn’t mean you can fall apart. We’ve all heard this and many of us have said these things.

And the instagram anecdote is “live and let live!” Let the mom who is struggling continue to struggle because that’s her identity and let the mom who’s got it easy rest on her laurels because clearly for doesn’t need anything.

I reject that. I’ve been both. I’ve received more joy and delight this year than ever in my life. Much of it has come easily. But in the last few months I have been faced with more fear and hardship than I was prepared for. I have been the faith filled mom and I have been the paranoid mom. I’ve been the one with my hair done and I’ve been the one crying and asking God why things are hard for my family and no one else. The solution is not self acceptance. It’s not letting women suffer alone. It’s not glorifying messy buns and adopting fear as par for the course in motherhood.

I’m telling you. There’s only one solution. It’s the only thing that will save you from the claw of fear, paranoia, and perceived failure as a woman and mother.

It’s trusting the Lord. Every day, multiple times a day, maybe even every minute. It’s continually handing your children, born and unborn, over to Jesus all the time.

You are not enough. You cannot protect your children from pain. You cannot put on a good enough performance for the rest of your life. You will not always be mountain high and hopefully you’ll refuse to settle for living in the mullygrubs.

I am learning every day that God is trustworthy and because of his power living in me I can be a fearless and joyful mother. I am not good at it because I breast fed or stay home. I am not bad at it because my child has faced challenges I would have never picked for her . I am only chosen by God to steward her life. And because I trust him every day, he gives me the joy and peace to be the mom who enjoys her children and has her makeup done most days.

There is no other path to fulfillment as a mother. It is only complete surrender that brings freedom.

You cannot will yourself out of paranoia. I’ve tried. You cannot force yourself to appear cheerful. We know. You can’t encourage yourself out of feeling inadequate. All you can really do is trust that God is good. He gave you your children. He feels the sorrow over the children you’ve lost. He has a good plan for your family. He will sustain you through long days.

He’s the only solution. The only joy. The only way to to truly thrive. Ask me how I know. I’ve tasted and seen his goodness. The only way to become “that” mom in a non artificial way is to decide to surrender your life to Jesus forever.