Sarah D. Shearer

This month, we celebrated one year of marriage. Hopefully another 50 to go! I love being married to Lucas. It’s just as wonderful as I was hoping it would be. It’s better than my wildest dreams and honestly so much fun. Every night is like its own little party. Lucas comes home from work and as the door cracks open, he says “Honey, I’m home!” Usually, I’’m in the kitchen finishing supper when he gets home. We eat dinner and he almost always does the dishes. Then we watch a show or play a game and eat whatever snack we are crazy about at the moment. We splendidly retire about 9:30 pm and I fall asleep to Lucas praying for me and our baby. Besides the fact that he has to work such long hours, we truly have the best life.

It’s true though what they say, marriage will really bring your nasty stuff out of the closet. It has highlighted an infinite amount of character flaws I have! I’m so thankful God gives us a person to help make us better and more holy. Lord knows my saucy, often ungracious self needs the calm and steady kindness of my husband. Here are a few things I’ve learned this year. I’m recording them for posterity because next year I hope I’ll be learning different lessons. We shouldn’t be stagnant in our relationships, but rather always moving forward, from glory to glory!

So, what has this not so newlywed picked up?

1. Marriage books haven’t met my husband.

I love to read and have read a plethora of marriage books that discuss what husbands “want” and what wives should do to please their man. While I won’t argue that giving your husband a home cooked meal can never hurt, many of the books grossly overgeneralize what men are “like”. Lucas doesn’t fit many stereotypes. Several times this year I have said or done something and it didn’t have the intended outcome. I’ll tell him, “but the books all say you love this!” and he’ll respond, “I’m not a guy in a book. I’m Lucas.” I’m learning each day to know and understand my husband, not “men” but MY man. Books can be helpful, but God created me to become the ultimate expert on my husband, and I should take my cues from him far and above the latest and greatest advice.

2. If I feel as though something is a bad idea to say, it probably is.

Do you remember when Kathleen Kelly in You’ve Got Mail talks about saying exactly what she wants when she wants, and remorse inevitably follows? That’s me every time I have some great comeback. It never goes the way I want, I always end up saying things I regret, and I wish I had just held my tongue. Meekness, self control and thinking before I speak are wonderful things I would do well to employ on a daily basis.

3. The whole submission thing also isn’t what I thought it would be.

I thought it was going to be a lot more dramatic, as though every day would provide an opportunity for me to heroically submit to some decision Lucas decreed for our family. As it turns out, my husband is an incredibly easy going guy, and is easily pleased in most areas. We decide most things together and I’m usually much harder on myself than he is on me. What I’m learning is that submission is less about me in an apron, doing my husband’s every bidding and becoming an all out doormat, and it’s more about me trusting the Holy Spirit in him.  Submitting, as the Bible   so clearly tells me to do, comes much more subtly than I imagined it would. 

It’s usually when I’m worried or upset about something, or even spiraling into some imaginary scenario about what our lives will turn into if we don’t do this particular thing. I insist on my way, and Lucas calmly invites me to trust and believe him that everything is going to work out. Sometimes it’s financial. I’m learning to trust that if he says we can afford it, I don’t need to worry. If he wants to buy us something nice, it’s not my job to second guess him. He’s an adult. I should trust him and not think I know better than him. I’m not his mom. He doesn;t need my constant micromanagement. As I learn to trust the husband God gave me, I find my life is so much more peaceful!

I suppose these are sort of strange lessons to learn, but that’s marriage. It brings things to the surface you weren’t expecting.

If I can say anything though, anything that you absolutely must have in your marriage, it’s Jesus. He is the center and the solid rock on which we stand. He is the reason Lucas and I will be married until death us do part. Thank you Jesus for your gift of Lucas and may I honor you as I continue to live out the adventure of being his wife, and soon, the mother of his children! I am truly blessed.