Sarah D. Shearer

I grew up in an amazing church. Most of you know what church this was. It’s something of a legend. Looking back at pictures it feels like looking at a moment in history, something so beautiful and special it can never be replicated. The community that was built there is still the community I hold dear today, even though we no longer gather as one cohesive body, except at weddings and funerals.

After my family left that church, we were involved in a number of home groups and they too were extremely formative to my faith and walk with God. I sat in family friends’ living rooms and ate meals with people who were older than me and heard from everyone in the room. There was no one person running the show. It was community, friends, and family, sharing life and sharing joys and burdens alike.

After high school I attended a smattering of other gatherings, but at each place I felt that I was looking for something that no longer existed. And then, randomly, in someone’s living room or at a restaurant or sitting outside, it would hit me. This unexplainable, beautiful, divine, presence where I keenly felt the pleasure of God. I almost could feel him smiling down on us, saying yes! This is it! This is church! You’re experiencing it! This is what I meant all along. And then, the moment would be over, and I would go back to “looking for a church.”

Last year, after a series of experiences, I really began to ask the Lord about church and what he wanted it to look like. A quick reading of the New Testament will leave you with a lot of questions. Where is that sense of community today? What about teachers and prophets and apostles? What about women? Where do they fit in? Is children’s church biblical? Is youth ministry biblical? The questions abound!!

These are terrifying questions to ask, because they require something of us. If we don’t get the answer we want, we are under the conviction of the Holy Spirit to change our course. But what do we change our course to?!

So, several months ago, I distanced myself from the Sunday morning thing. I began the process of seeing Sunday as a day of rest. I remember it had probably been a month or two and I woke up one Sunday and drove to the grocery store and got a cup of coffee and it was only then I realized that most of Thomasville was in church and it had taken me that long to realize that I was doing something different and I didn’t feel any sort of condemnation or shame about not parking myself in a pew.

It was a real breakthrough moment. Up to that point I had felt like I was skipping out or like I was a heathen. When I was a little girl I was terrified to go to the grocery store on a Sunday morning for fear people would see me and think I was a heathen.

It sounds ridiculous, but we are not far off today with how fixated we have become on appearances. In my hiatus from the service, I discovered my faith didn’t wane. I wasn’t depending on a sermon from one man one hour a week to bolster my relationship with God. I wasn’t falling away from God. It actually kind of felt like I was drawing closer

This is not, I repeat IS NOT about being angry at church. It’s not about what people did to me or how betrayed I feel, or that I left because I was mad. Did people hurt and betray me? You better believe it.

But no, this is so much more. This is about rethinking everything and being okay if our pristine structure doesn’t withstand the hard evaluation. This is about searching and finding those holy moments where God is near. This is about finding out what God intended a gathering of believers to look like.

I’m on a journey to find something authentic. Something not contrived, not artificial, not a castle made of sand.

We crave real people living real, messy lives. Pews face the stage, and we can’t see each other. Dining room tables have chairs where you face each other and look each other in the eye. It’s difficult to be fake when you are sitting in someone’s living room and they are asking you pointed questions about your week.

We all keep saying we are tired of going through the motions and we hate hypocrisy, so let’s be real. What I’m saying isn’t controversial. Read the Bible. Attend a church service. Start asking questions.

I’m not saying I’ve attained it or that I have it figured out. (Phil. 3). When we are desperate we look for a formula, when all the time Jesus is inviting us into relationship.

I want to see the fivefold ministry flourishing. I want to see people walking in their giftings and people gathering together and bearing one another’s burdens. I’ve seen it before and I believe I will see it again. I refuse to accept the status quo because it’s easy or safe. We have been invited into more.

More is difficult. More requires something of us. It requires us to step away from what we see and what we have done for years and years.

So…. I suppose I’m saying all this to the people who have laid awake at night and wondered if there is more. They wondered if checking in on a Sunday morning is all there is. They have wondered why they can’t reconcile certain things in their minds about church practices. I’m discovering maybe we’ve been asking the wrong questions.

Rather than asking if something is OK within the confines of the church buildings, maybe we should be asking if our idea of church is even right to begin with.

These are dangerous questions to ask. I know. I’m with you. But I think it’s worth finding out the answers. I think we will find Jesus as we seek him with fervency and humility.

Once you strip away the security of the structure, you have to get creative and you have to start calling people and finding relationship and community. It doesn’t happen overnight and nobody’s going to put you in a small group of people who match your interests. You have to do the work.

But I really and truly believe it’s worth it. I don’t have a formula for you if you want to leave church and find a home church. There are a few I could recommend. Here is my only recommendation. Start asking questions. And be very content with what the Lord has asked you to do and way less concerned about what other people think.

I think I have lived my life trying to find what I had at the church I grew up in. But it wasn’t about the church or the building or the programs. It was about the people. It’s always about the people. Who are your people? Find them and invite them over for dinner and start doing life with them. I think that’s a good start. It’s not the whole picture. But it’s a start.

So there’s my two cents. This is what happened when I stopped going to church and the journey I’ve been on, along with Lucas who is an amazing person to figure things out with.

I highly recommend the book “Pagan Christianity” by Frank Viola and Finding Church by Wayne Jacobson.