In June of 2012, my dad was in a tragic accident and was put on life support where he remained in a coma for one month. The same week, my sister’s marriage ended. I was in Honduras when the accident happened , so I left my dad on June 7th, and life was nearly perfect. When I came back on June 15th, he was comatose, and my entire life had turned upside down. I remember thinking, I wish I could go back to the day before this all happened. Why wasn’t I grateful for my normal life then?
If you’ve ever been through a tragedy, you may understand my sentiment. I would become so angry at past Sarah for not appreciating her father, for not appreciating the beauty of an uneventful day. I wondered many times if life would ever be the same again.
Somehow, by the grace of God and with the support of many good friends, we survived months of hospital stays and so many horribly painful nights. I look back now and wonder how we did it, but we did. And we are better for it. We know God in a real, tangible way. We have seen him do the impossible. After the clouds parted and the sun appeared once more, I half prayed that God would spare me from another tragedy, because this one had been so hard. Lord, protect my future family from illness and tragedy. Whatever lesson you wanted to teach me, I think I learned it! I’m good!
Life is not like that though.
We are not promised a pain free, easy life. We are not immune to hardship. Case in point. Here, seven years later, we are walking through another unbelievably hard season. Everything I once enjoyed as normal has been taken from me. My every day routine is gone. My plans for the future are uncertain. I don’t know what life will look like in two weeks much less six months. I find myself daydreaming about last year when life was so easy. I am tempted by this narrative of “things were better then.” But I know this is futile, because last year had its own challenges and I was fraught with uncertainty then, too.
So what are you doing, Lord? When do I get a break? When is help coming? When can things go back to normal? When does the life I dream about begin?
But maybe I am asking the wrong questions. Maybe instead I need to ask, “Lord, who are you right now for me? What are you teaching me right now? How can I learn all I can from this season, knowing you’re preparing me for something good? How can I walk in your fullness TODAY, not in the fullness I dream of a year from now?”
I’m not hearing a lot. But I have this hope and it is an anchor to my soul.
“Hear my cry, O God; Attend to my prayer. From the end of the earth I will cry to You, When my heart is overwhelmed; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For You have been a shelter for me, A strong tower from the enemy. I will abide in Your tabernacle forever; I will trust in the shelter of Your wings. Selah”
Psalms 61:1-4 NKJV
I don’t know what he is doing or how it’s all going to work out, but know he is my deliverer and my refuge and my very present help, and that is enough for today.
May this be a comfort to you today. Perhaps you are walking through your own dark night of the soul. I’m right there with you, friend. He is enough. You are not enough. All the peppy Instagram posts in the world cannot carry you. But he can carry you. And he will.
Sarah D. Shearer 
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