Sarah D. Shearer

I like to help people, much to their detriment.

You see, I have this enlightened perspective, this way of seeing the world, and if only everyone saw things the way I did, they would be so much  happier. I can dole out parenting advice like I have mothered ten offspring, and offer marriage advice like I’m approaching my fortieth anniversary.   One of the ways I feel most connected to people is by helping them, and when the situation is out of my control and I have nothing of value to offer, I fear losing the relationship altogether, because if they don’t need me, what am I good for?

If I’m feeling emotionally healthy, I’ll offer help when it’s really a good idea, aka asked for (But isn’t everyone subconsciously dying to ask me for something??), but if  I am unhealthy, I will offer and offer and drop hints, and worst of all, I will take action and do something no one asked me to do and overstep all boundaries and maybe even jeopardize a relationship, which I have done.

I used to be really free with my opinions on the guys my friends dated, then one day was reminded my opinion wasn’t all that and a bowl of grits.

I used to think I was a pro at relationships, then I started dating someone.

I still think I’m a better friend than I really am.

Is anyone identifying with anything I’m saying?

I feel I’ve grown so much over the years, and some days I feel I am sooooo healthy and could counsel anyone from my wealth of knowledge.

And other days I cry over a text message I probably misconstrued, or I press someone relentlessly until at last I drive them away, because I was just too much for them.

If you get this, you may just be an Enneagram 2. If you’re wondering what an enneagram is, please please get this book.  It has been incredibly healing for me.

Anyways. I’m committed to growing this year. Because my issues are all based in fear. Fear of loss, fear of abandonment, fear of  rejection. It’s like Paul says though: the things we do not want to do are what we so often do.

I’m committed to trusting people when they say they’re okay.

I’m committed to giving up control of people’s happiness.

I’m committed to relinquishing responsibility of every relationship’s success.

I look forward to new revelations and pray the Lord will give me grace and peace, and I pray for you too, that wherever you find yourself with people, you will find grace and peace.