Sarah D. Shearer

It’s been a little while since I’ve written. On my blog. In my journal. In my book which refuses to finish itself. For a writer not to write constantly, something must be truly wrong. At least this is what I tell myself as I walk past my computer and forsake it daily, refusing to pause, to sit down, to create. Artists are not really fully themselves until they are doing that thing which makes them tick. I actually begin to feel a little short of breath when I’m not consistent with my writing. It’s that dear to me.

So what’s really happening in those seasons? Is it always negative, or is it just a season to rest? Does a lack of productivity mean a lack of vision? Does a desire to slow down signify burnout, or is it the sign of a truly healthy individual?

This year has been an interesting one. It began with a fierce commitment to a project which morphed into a very difficult season full of unexpected twists and turns where God taught me so much more than I ever expected to learn when I began this project. He’s so good to turn everything we do into something meaningful. For the first half of the year, my mantra was the verse in Romans 8 where it says all things work together for good for those who love God and are all called according to his purpose. In the passion translation, though, it says, “we can be sure that every detail of our lives is continually woven together into a beautiful tapestry for those who are his lovers.”

On days when I felt like nothing was going right and nothing good could ever come of anything I set my hand to, I reminded myself that every detail was working together for good. On days when I wanted to give up and retreat into a hole, I reminded myself that every detail was working together for good. The season ended well, and I can see God’s hand so clearly in each step of the way. I don’t know exactly what he was doing or why he chose to do it that way, but I trust he is a much better writer than I am.

It’s funny though. That season ended well, and another one quickly began. I used to believe that because I had “passed” whatever test there was in my life, that the next season would be a breeze. Isn’t it funny how we do that. We think after we overcome a challenge we get some sort of free pass for the next season and that we are allowed an easy ride for a few miles. Like God owes us that.

But he doesn’t work like that. I entered another season, full of questions and uncertainty, another season which demanded, or should I say invited, my complete trust and dependency on Jesus. I have asked him for black-and-white answers on a path with clearly marked roadsigns. This is not what he has given me. I don’t know what the future holds. I’m beginning to realize God is not a vending machine where I put in all the quarters of my good behavior and reap the harvest of an easy life, merely because I did the right thing. But God is faithful, and he uses all things for good.

So I’m entering another season, one where I have very intentionally decided to say no to a lot of things. I’m not taking on any new projects, which is pretty monumental for me. I’m trying to focus on enjoying each day, and I’m reading a lot of books. I’m praying a lot, and I’m finding the answers I’m getting are a lot simpler than the questions I’m asking.

There’s a good chance this was all a jumble of rambling nonsense to you, but it was therapeutic for me to write. Hopefully, you can see that maybe you’re not the only one who is stumbling toward Jesus every day, uncertain, unsure of the future, constantly dependent on him for your next breath. Maybe you too are in a strange season with your art. Maybe you haven’t painted in months or you haven’t sat down at your piano in so long it’s out of tune.

Maybe this season is full of disappointment, maybe it’s full of pain, and maybe it’s merely full of things you didn’t expect. I’m discovering that’s life.

So tonight, I encourage you. Jesus is your only constant. He is the only one who will never change, never disappoint you, never walk out on you, always fulfill you, always show up for you, always call out the best in you, and always love you unconditionally. Everything else comes and goes. He remains. He’s a good father, friend and savior.