Sarah D. Shearer

Dear  Church,

I have some questions for you.

A whole pile of you are really  miserable. Christian couples I admired throughout my childhood are divorcing right and left. After years of watching you have what I thought was a happy marriage, now I’m finding out you were pretending the whole time. You tell me marriage  is hard. I’ll understand one day. You say you felt like he was  dominating you. Is this all I have to look forward to? Losing my identity to a man? Is this what I’m saving myself for? An expensive wedding, a “really tough first  year,” kids before “I’ve gotten to know my husband well enough,” and then a marriage filled with really hard days, because God knows how many times you have told me “there’s nothing glamorous about marriage.”

Is this why you’re preaching abstinence with a fury in youth? Why wait if it’s nothing too special after all? Why don’t I just go out with the next guy who asks and start telling all my younger girls they should just go ahead and settle for  that guy who isn’t pursuing them like a man should?

Why am I even trying if half of y’all are getting divorced anyway?

Someone please tell me God’s plan is still good. Tell me he’s using  your marriage as a reflection of Christ’s sacrificial love for a bride who joyfully serves him in return.

Someone please tell these children of yours that children are a blessing and not a burden. Invite them into your church services and stop entertaining them like they are mindless creatures. Why would they stay in church when all they’ve ever been fed is a dumbed down coloring book gospel?

Church, please,  fight for your marriage and show us it’s worth it. Speak highly of your husband,  because we are watching you, and we are the future, and let me tell you, history has a way of repeating itself, so please  give us a legacy worth repeating.

Fight for your family,  demonstrate to me that having children is important, and not just a financial drain. Please, tell me there is more to parenting than being tired and grumpy.

Wives, could you please talk about your husband like you at least like him? Tell me I’m not guarding my heart so carefully now, just so I can marry a man who doesn’t communicate or clean up after himself.

Husbands, step up and lead your families and show me there are men out there who are truly a covering and a refuge and a head. Live in such a way I wait patiently because I KNOW there are more men out there that protect, provide and cherish their families.

Everybody’s all upset at millennials for walking away from God,  but y’all this started way back in grade school when we were watching and you had no idea. Give youth a faith they don’t want to walk away from.  Live what Jesus says and practice what you preach. Let’s all live like the Christians we say we are. The world doesn’t need more pretenders. We just need to see Jesus.
**I get it. There are hard days.  But are there good days too?

ps: I understand divorce has to happen sometimes and not every situation is black and white, this is merely a general appeal.

I write this message to the church, not because it doesn’t apply to everyone, but because the body of Christ should look different from the rest of the world.